


Depression

by ExpertNewbs



Series: Ghosts of Pre-War and Post-War Trauma [5]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Depression, F/F, I'm Sorry, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 19:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5796493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExpertNewbs/pseuds/ExpertNewbs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm sorry about this. I needed to get  some of this out somehow. Don't hurt me.</p><p>Stevie struggles with why she enjoys pain. Piper has a realization.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Depression

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. Really I am. I apologize for the awkward spacing, next time I will fix it

For the most part, Stevie would say that the people of the Commonwealth didn't want to get shot. Most of the people that did get shot, even killed, just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She found that darkly amusing, seeing as she was in the wrong time and everywhere seemed like the wrong place.  
She thought of herself as an acceptation to that rule. She wanted to get shot. She wanted to bleed. She wanted to hurt. When Stevie first left the vault she was motivated by the quest of finding her son. Now, seeing what a horrible person he is, knowing that he wasn't ever really her Shaun, she found no motivation to live.  
Piper could tell too. The Vault Dweller often pretended that she didn't notice the worried glances when they were alone. She pretended she didn't hear the scolding when she took one too many risks in a fire fight. She pretended that her urge to hurt, her attraction to pain, wasn't at all unhealthy.  
A journalist was supposed to always find the truth though, so it was only a matter of time before Piper found out why Stevie had been so distant and careless lately. Day after day the writer bugged her girlfriend about it until she snapped.  
"Just leave it alone! Jesus Christ, it's none of your business!"  
Piper backed away slowly. The girl was fuming. Luckily they were standing in Publick Occurrences, making this encounter at lest remotely private. Nat was at school, thank God, Piper didn't want her to have to witness this.  
"It is my business Blue." She said softly, trying her hardest to not go on her own rampage. "You're my business. You are going go get yourself killed."  
Stevie froze. Was that what she wanted? To die? It almost sounded pleasant. She remembered what it felt like the first time she had been shot. The pain was searing, not ceasing for another two hours. At times when the pain was at it's highest, when she thought she was about to die, Stevie felt bliss wash over her. It felt serene to be in so much pain you start to go numb, start to go out of existence. She did want to die, more than anything in the world at that moment. Even more than she wanted to stay with Piper.  
The fingers playing with her press cap faltered as she saw the look of realization cross her partner's face. Piper's heart sunk in her chest. "You do?"  
She hadn't meant for it to be a question, the shock was just too much. She had read it in Stevie's eyes, the way the final bit of defeat has sunk in. Depression, that was the word for it. Stevie just couldn't bring herself to commit suicide.  
"Piper, I'm sorry."


End file.
